Every mother wants what’s best for their child, that part never changes. But there are moments when you look at your little one and quietly wonder, “Am I doing this right?”
Maybe it’s after a long night of rocking, patting and shushing on repeat. Maybe it’s that split second you turned around and suddenly there’s a new bump on a tiny forehead.
You love your child more with your whole heart, but yet there is a familiar tug that you should be doing more, knowing more and giving more. That, is mom guilt.
In this article, we unpack what mom guilt really is, why it shows up (yes, even for second-time moms), and how you can navigate with grace, compassion and the support of your village.
What is Mom Guilt?
For a lot of moms, mom guilt sound like a quiet voice that whispers, “You are not doing enough.” It can show up in the small, everyday decision, when you bottle feed instead of breastfeeding, when you return to work, or when you’re letting your child have screen time because you’re running on an empty tank.
Mom guilt at its core is the fear of falling short of the expectations you set for yourself. The ones you think a “good mom” is supposed to meet.
This guilt often appears because mothers are surrounded by opinions: what others think you should be doing, how they think you should parent, or those well-meaning comments from a relative or friend that somehow sting a little more than they should.
For Asian moms, this pressure is amplified. There is the unspoken expectation to be the homemaker of the family; staying on top of the cleaning, cooking nutritious meals, making sure all the laundry is folded.
Even when you know these ideas are unrealistic, the pressure can linger, and it can turn into fear.
But here’s the truth: you’re not doing this alone, and you don’t have to hold yourself to impossible rules. Your village is right here with you.
Is Mom Guilt Normal?
Mom guilt is completely normal. Or as the kids would say #relatable. Almost every mother feels mom guilt at one point or another, especially during the first year when everything feels new and you’re learning on the job every single day.
A study shows that 78% of moms feel guilty, with 68% saying they feel it once or twice every day [1].
Feeling guilty does not mean you are falling short, it simply means you care deeply about your child.
Still, normal does not mean that it is harmless. When guilt becomes a constant, it can drain your confidence and blur out the small wins you achieve each day. It is important to recognise when guilt is just a passing feeling, or when it keeps you stuck in self-doubt.
And when you can tell the difference, you’ll know when to pause, breathe, and remind yourself: you’re doing better than you think.
How to Cope with Mom Guilt as a First Time Mom
As a first-time mother, everything feels like unfamiliar territory, because it is. So, when routines do not go as plan or when your emotional energy runs low, try keeping a small journal where you jot down moments of guilt. Over time, you may notice patterns that help you understand your triggers, and that awareness alone can help soften the edges.
Most of all, be patient with yourself. Motherhood is not a test that you pass or fail. It is a journey of learning, unlearning and finding the rhythm, one day, one moment at a time. Your village is here to walk it with you.
Why Do I Get Mom Guilt as a Second Time Mom?
Many mothers expect the second round to feel easier, because you have done it before, because you know the drill. But second time mom guilt often arrive in a different shape. You love both children fiercely, yet you worry neither is getting enough of you.
The shift can feel intense, especially for your first born who goes from having everyone’s attention to suddenly sharing it with a tiny newcomer.
A gentle way to ease this is to involve your older child in caring for the baby. Let them help with small tasks or show the baby something they love. Introducing the baby as their sibling with a special role can help them feel included rather than replaced.
Try scheduling short pockets of one-on-one time with each child. These moments do not need to be fancy or perfectly planned. A quiet cuddle or a walk downstairs can help refill their emotional cup.
With time, the two of them start forming their own bond. You will see small moments of connection that remind you this transition is healthy. It also supports your older child’s maturity in gentle, natural ways.
It will still be hard when both children are little, but it does get easier, and your family finds its rhythm and you find yours too with support from the village around you.
How to Overcome Mom Guilt
Sometimes mom guilt feels like it follows you everywhere, but there are simple, kind habits that can help you lighten the load and breathe a little easier.
Small shifts, gentle reminders, and a village that supports you can make all the difference.
1. Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with the same gentleness you offer your child. When guilt pops up, pause and acknowledge it without scolding yourself. You are learning and adjusting, just as your baby is.
2. Reframe your expectations
Perfect motherhood does not exist. What matters is being responsive, loving, and present in the ways you can. Adjust your expectations to what is realistic for your family and your season of life.
3. Reduce comparison
Scrolling social media can trick you into thinking everyone else has it together. Those curated posts rarely show the full picture. Limit the comparison trap by taking breaks from content that makes you doubt yourself.
4. Find your village
Share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or fellow mothers. You will often discover that others feel the same way. A supportive community can help you realise you are not alone.
Join our Supermom community groups to connect with other mothers who understand what you are going through and can offer the support you need.
5. Set healthy boundaries
Say no when needed and protect your mental and emotional space. Not every request requires a yes. Boundaries help you stay grounded and prevent guilt from spiralling.
6. Celebrate small wins
Motherhood is made of tiny wins. Whether you managed a peaceful nap time or finally washed your hair, acknowledge these moments. They are signs you are doing your best.
7. Seek professional help when needed
When you find yourself constantly worried or feeling anxious most days, reach out to mental health professional. Asking for help is a powerful step toward caring for yourself and your family.
Reminder: You Are Doing Your Best
Mom guilt is a familiar feeling for many mothers, but it does not reflect your worth. The fact that you worry already shows how much you care. You are learning every day, even when it does not feel graceful. Try one small strategy from this article and offer yourself the kindness you truly deserve. You are doing much better than you think.
Reference
- “Do you suffer with ‘mum guilt’? This is how to tackle it, for good – Goodto”. https://www.goodto.com/family/mum-guilt-4212 . Accessed 25 November 2025.
