Motherhood is a “life-changer” and having a supportive community helps
Everything changed when 34-year-old Daphne Neo became a mother four years ago.
As a first-time working mum, she had to give up all her free time and focus on learning how to balance motherhood and her job. Her “whole world” now revolves around her son, “from the time he wakes up in the morning to the time he sleeps at night”.
“I will need to always look out for him, play with him, teach him, and talk to him,” explains Daphne, who works in facility management.
Struggles of being a first-time mum
Like most first-time mothers, the first few weeks were a real struggle for Daphne— the double whammy of not getting enough sleep and not understanding why her baby was crying.
“I wished I was taught how to handle a newborn more. Like on colic, how not to overfeed him, and burping him,” Daphne elaborates.
She also had to come to terms with letting go of things that were simply beyond her control.
Initially, Daphne wished to exclusively nurse her son and give him as much nutrients as possible. However, she had trouble supplying breastmilk and latching him properly. In the end, she chose to pump regularly instead.
“If I had refused to accept that he couldn’t latch properly and stayed angry, I would have been more upset. But I managed to accept that this is what’s happening right now, and it shifted my mind to focus on what I could do to make things better,” Daphne muses.
It takes a village to raise a child
Despite having a rocky start to parenting, Daphne is glad that she has strong support from her husband, parents, and colleagues.
She credits her husband as a hands-on dad who wakes up at night to prepare milk for their son or puts him to sleep when she has work to do.
“Family help is very important when we work. For example, when my son’s school called and informed me that he was not feeling well, my parents helped me to pick him up so that I could concentrate on work,” adds Daphne.
Her company is also very family-oriented. During weekends and on her annual leave days, Daphne’s colleagues and bosses would not contact her to let her have uninterrupted family time with her son, which she is grateful for.
Ready to have kids both financially and emotionally
Daphne believes that being a mother is more than just giving birth. It is also being ready to take care and nurture the child well.
As a dual-income family, Daphne and her husband send their child to a daycare centre. They often worry that he is more likely to fall sick or get into an accident as he is in close contact with other children for prolonged periods. This was why they bought hospitalisation and accident plans “in case anything happens, in school or even at home”.
“We feel that it is good to get my son covered. We never know when things will happen,” Daphne explains.
This proved to be a good move as their son came down with flu often and even had Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease before. Their worst scare was when he slipped and fell in the toilet last year. He knocked his head on the kerb and bled profusely. They had to rush their son to the Accident & Emergency department to get his injury stitched up. Daphne was relieved that they had purchased a personal accident plan and all the fees were covered.
Daphne and her husband also emphasise on their son’s education. That’s why they prioritise saving for his university fees early with a savings plan. In future, their son can choose if he wants to study locally or internationally.
Daphne hopes that couples are prepared to have kids not just financially but also emotionally.
As a working parent herself, she knows that she cannot be there for her child all the time. She admits that she often makes up for this by gifting him toys and giving in to his requests more often.
“We need to know when to draw the line and not spoil them. It’s best to let them grow up independently,” Daphne says.
Despite her words, however, she still cherishes how her son relies on her.
When asked what her most memorable story as a mum was, Daphne fondly recounts: “My biggest joy is when I come back home and my son runs to me with the biggest smile on his face. Once, he came over to me, grabbed my face, kissed me, and said, ‘Mummy, I miss you.'”
This interview feature is a two-part series as part of “FWD Celebrates Motherhood” campaign to celebrate Mothers’ Day. The series features two women from different backgrounds, what they have learned from their time caring for their children and growing into the role of a mother aside from their other commitments.
FWD is pleased to celebrate motherhood and support families so that they can focus on their commitments while staying financially protected from life’s uncertainties. Learn more about FWD’s exclusive Mother’s Day promotions with up to 35% off selected products.
This is for general information only and does not constitute financial advice.
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